He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
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i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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