he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
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Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
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I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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