I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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