my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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