Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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