your room smells of hookers.
And success
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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