Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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