I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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