In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
soo... how was my night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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