Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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