Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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