haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my poor anus
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My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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