can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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