Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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