I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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