she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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