I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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