Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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