Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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