can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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