We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
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Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
ok first of all what the fuck
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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