she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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