But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
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She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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