I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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