He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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