I CAN MOONWALK!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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