What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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