sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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