yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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