There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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