no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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