I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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