it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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