Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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