First date: that requires underwear, huh?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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