At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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