I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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