yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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