In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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