The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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