i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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