sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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