All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
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Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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