i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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