You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize