You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
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She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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