Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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