My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This is my gift to your gina
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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