At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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