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You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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